In my younger years, I was blessed with chronic constipation. It took me a long time to do my business. This gave me the bona fides to hide out in the bathroom for long periods of alone-time without being suspected of just avoiding the wife and kids.

In sharp contrast to the stereotype of old people having trouble with bowel movements, at 63 I am going more regularly and easily than ever before.

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(This has got to be the strangest post I've ever made!)